Tom Green
Tom Green is a great actor and the funniest damn talk show host I've ever seen. He is also a movie star, with small parts in "Superstar" and "Clutch", both due out soon. Tom is single (Yay! There is hope for me), and he just recently moved out of his parents house. It doesn't help his parents much, because he continues to harass them, by pulling pranks like painting their house plaid and filling their house with barnyard animals. I especially liked when he painted lesbians having sex on their car and followed his dad to work in it yelling "Dad, don't be ashamed, it's just your Slutmobile!"
Tom is pretty skinny, and sometimes his sense of humour can be a little morbid, like when he tried to hump the dead moose and when he carried the dead cow's head into bed with his parents at 2 in the morning. He is a Canadian native, which might explain why he's so fresh and funny. I mean, remember the Kids in the Hall? "I'm squishing your head!" Tom is also a musician. He was in the hip hop group Organized Rhyme. They released a cd entitled "Stiffenin against the wall". Tom is also the producer of the MC Face cd "Not the Green Tom Show". MC Face (identity unknown) has a strong resemblance to Tom... Anyways, Tom has had a broad experience since graduating from the Algonquin College TV broadcasting program. He was the host of a radio show in Ottawa named "Midnight Caller". Tom drives a 1998 Jeep Cherokee, and for fun he likes to snowboard in winter and skateboard in summer. He also makes sure to masturbate at least once a day while looking at a picture of me.
THE LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT OF TOM GREEN
I, Tom Green, being of sound mind, wish the following to be performed on my carcass by Glenn Humplik upon the event of my untimely death. First, I want you to throw my body off a 40 story building. I want you to take my corpse and I want you to remove the arms and legs. And then I want you to put the legs where the arms used to be and put the arms where the legs used to be. Then I want you to pour gasoline all over my body. I want you to take my gasoline soaked body. I want you to strap it to the roof of your Suzuki Swift. I want you to light my body on fire until it's all bones. I want you to drive to the cemetary. I want you to mix my ashes with gun powder. I want you to make a special gun powder. And I want you to put that special gun powder into 2 bullets. And I want you to kill a goat and a gorilla. And I want you to let the gorilla and the goat rot in your backyard. I want you to take the bones. I want you to put the bones in a coffin. I want my tombstone to read:
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Janet Mitchell
janet1@tomgreenshow.zzn.com
